Via Dolorosa
Pain helps to climb your own Golgotha. And every step you take, it’s more painful because you carry the cross for the ego’s resurrection. Minds is full of questions. Of course! It’s its business to keep the show for the ego which is about to dissolve. Events that happen in your life seem like an absurd for the cold logic but not for your heart. Your heart does not want to walk through the doors of hell, because it knows the bloody pain of the millions of knifes.
I am trying to contemplate what suffering is… You are teaching me to stay in the present moment and it feels save. This is the biggest thing I have learned from you. Even being so far, you are saving me by your wisdom. Suffering transcends, but it feels horrible in the moment. Almost unbearable. You are ready to do everything you can, all the meditations and practices, to never experience this horrible gnawing sensation.
Suffering is an important stage in the spiritual catharsis. It is the pre-step for the ego to drop the masks and get honest, thus it could sacrifice itself to save itself from the immerse cycles of misery.
As the last silk of cloth, covering your essence, falls down you’re free from choice. Choice is made for you, making your ego open and absolutely vulnerable. Good won’t juxtapose bad anymore because there is no one there to define. Your illusory nature has been left with nothing but acceptance through pain. And as you walk further, the harder it gets. As tsunami pain is gaining momentum. There is nowhere to hide, nobody to call for help, you are here on your own, and completely lonely. Sometimes it hurts so much, you’d rather never be conscious again. The scariest thing is to die without a valued experience of a merge with God.
So here you are, carrying your body-vessel, moving it in the space, but the inner is outer, always here. It is boiling your thoughts and feelings, like a slow cooker. With regards of your actions, pain always reminds you, serves as compass, to guide you in a right direction. Pain is a wonderful teacher and healer. It moves you, literally. It sparks your desires, gives you a confidence. Pain shows your needs. No matter how much you are in denial, or blindfolded, when you feel emotional suffering, it is impossible to lie or to pretend. This is how acceptance enters your life. Slowly after pain. They go hand in hand. Sometimes, human being asks the question “why?”, similarly to the Christ’s one, on the day of his resurrection. Why do we need so much pain and why does it need to be so severe? Pain serves as hint or a little piece from a big puzzle. Maybe it is a good time to change something in your life. “God, why should I suffer like this?” circulating question in your mind. Something there to realize but unknown at this moment, trust your heart, it knows. You, as a little leaf from the tree can not see the whole picture, but definitely should trust and surrender. The price of freedom from choice is high. You will have to give away the dearest that you carry. Yourself. Becoming selfless without any needs or desires. This is your door to heaven. Always happy, always blissful, no matter what. The thing is there is no you anymore.
All the needs are egoic by nature. Infinity could cares less if you want to have a family, or a partner, or to be healthy with a case of money. Infinity cherishes the unfolding experience, as one facet of many more. This moment is a spiral, it will cease to exist for you to realize one day that it has never happened. We are so egoic in our choices, we want to distinguish one moment over the other. And then we chase the ultimate ever escaping pleasure.
This moment is the most sacred. It contains all your memories, desires, your identity and when it’s painful, relax, sacrifice yourself and surrender to the unknown. Pain will guide you. And always remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Present moment will pamper you!
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